The European Extravaganza!

The Vienna Opera is no place for a lap dance...

First thing first: Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but Austria is expensive. Too much for us in Vienna, and we have been so busy here in Salzburg that this is the first chance we have gotten to write.

Secondly: The clothing is all ok! We may have over-exaggerated when we last posted; after we tried everything on, things were in fact a little loose! That is what only eating 1 'proper' meal a day does to you!

So, here is our story about Vienna. We know you have all been waiting patiently for it.

We caught the train from Prague with absolutely no problems (take that, Dad!). It was a good thing we got there early because it was pretty full, and we did not have reservations so we scrambled into the first compartment that was open. Soon enough people came in and claimed to have tickets for our seats, so we picked up and moved on to the 'non-reserved' seating section, and just sat with the commoners. When we arrived in Vienna, we really didn't have much of a problem getting the tram from the station to the one near our hostel, although we did make the mistake of not buying the daypass for the transit system. It only cost us a euro more, but in Vienna, we could have used it!

It was ridiculously hot out (everything seems hotter and longer when you have a pack on your back) but we made it to the hostel with no navigational problems at all! First time ever! I think we see a new (positive) trend beginning! We are really coming into our own as travellers and all you naysayers will be eating dust cake with only your words to wash it down!

Despite everything Fil has ever said about Wombats, it was a crap hole. We don't know where he stayed but this place was sketchorama. We had horrible roommates (oh, you'll hear about it), and the bathroom was soooo filthy (think of the one in Trainspotting...). We don't think it had ever been cleaned, certainly not while we were there, nor the stained comforter Laura found waiting her on the bed. Also, the locker we were assigned, did not close. And it was like, a thousand degrees in the room, and for the first day, we could not open the window all the way, which we think was a safety measure on the hostel's part to keep us from throwing ourselves out of it.

Needless to say, our first hour or so in Vienna, was underwhelming in one sense and overwhelming in another. Neither of us were really 'feeling' the city, at first. It just felt kind of blah after Prague and every other place we had been. Nonetheless, we refused to be deterred, and set off for Schönbrunn Palace. It was actually really nice on the outside (too bad you had to pay a fortune to see the gardens), and the audio tour we got for the 22 state rooms we saw was informative and fun (if only the damn group tours would leave us alone. The spanish one didn't even seem to notice when I shouted out 'Dios Mios!' when they crowded us out of a room.). On our way back to the subway, we were actually approached by a fellow tourist who asked in German where the palace was and we successfully understood the German and gave correct directions. (Take that, Taryn! I don't know why, but it seems appropriate).

After Schönbrunn, we had plenty of time to kill and we did not want to face the hostel, so we decided to dip into the next day's itinerary (departing from the itinerary! Sacrilege! You see the depths of our desperation!) and went up to Prater, where the Reisenrad (Europe's oldest ferris wheel) was. We were super excited about this sight, prior to actually seeing it. It was really a let down, as it didn't seem all that cool or all that different from countless other ferris wheels at that carnival. Speaking of which, the carnival was super creepy too. It was pretty much abandonned, although all of the rides were running. It reminded us of how when we were little all tv shows featured bad things happening (i.e., kidnapping, forced drug taking) at carnivals. We left, extremely hungry, and very disappointed.

We then hit rock bottom, when we began searching for a place to eat. We (foolishly) assumed that since our hostel was not really in the city center that things would be cheaper to eat there, but we were wrong. A slice of pizza was €6! The hell? After walking around and getting increasingly desperate, we settled on an eatery called WienerWald. We thought it might be the Austrian version of KFC, but it is so much worse. Both schnitzel burgers that we ordered, came on a bun that decomposed as we ate it (take that, dust cake! - schnitzel burger), and mine heavily featured mayo, while Laura's was all about the ketchup. So disgusting. I still convulse when I think of it days later. It seems that all people eat in Vienna is ice cream. Seriously. We tried it out, to drown our sorrows, and it was indeed good. Pistaccio, Mango, Ferrero Roché... they were all yummy. The final gustatory insult came when we got our complimentary drink from the Wombar. We chose Orange Soda, which was orange syrup with tonic water. Very bad. We hate you too, Wombats.

As for the roommates, there was one Korean guy, who took 30-min long showers, but in 2-min intervals. He also horked his lungs up while doing so. Nasty! Then there was Brazillian guy, who sat around in his boxers in the middle of the floor and slept at 3 in the afternoon. To top it all off, when he came traipsing in with our two other British roommates at 5 in the morning, he had the gall to turn on the light and start screaming at the top of his lungs. Laura shushed him, but that didn't work, so she told him to shut up, and that did. Dick. We hate you Wombats and your seedy clientelle.

Day 2 in Vienna:

We had noticed a free walking tour in the elevator at the hostel, so we decided to go on it, since free things are always good (except for the drink at Wombar). Also, since the tour in Berlin saved that city for us, we thought the same might be true for the Vienna one. We took the subway to St. Stephan's Cathedral, and met our guide 'Dan' who was clearly an American. We really hoped that others would show up so that it would not just be the 3 of us for 2 hours because that makes it harder for us to make snarky comments.

We checked out the cathedral, which was pretty cool (we decided to return later for the Katakomben tour) and headed back out for the tour. On the way we were accosted for the second time by the same person trying to sell us tickets to a classical concert that evening. Vienna is full of these people dressed up like Mozart doing things like this, and although we try to be polite, it is annoying and ruins our schedule! I must say that the way the woman approached me was gold, however, as she came up and said 'You speak English, lady?'. Awesome.

While we were waiting for the tour to start, we overheard an American couple raving about the salt mine tour they had done earlier in Salzburg. I only relate this, because their big selling point, was that prior to the tour, the 'didn't know how salt worked'. Seriously. That's a direct quote. Also, our tour guide's name turned out to be John, not 'Dan' as his name tag said, because he had stolen off a coworker, so we nicknamed him DJ.

The tour was pretty laidback at first; not quite as polished as the one in Berlin. This soon became clear when right in front of the Hoffburg complex, a woman with a badge came up and began interrogating DJ. Turns out we may have been on an illegal tour as he did not have a permit, and it was not clear whether he needed one. They made arrangements to meet later (after she repeatedly tried to take his driver's license -- his only form of identification), but she then proceeded to tail us for about 20 minutes while calling for backup. It was terrifying, but also hilarious.

On the tour we visited most of the major sights in the city, including: Stephensplatz, Hoffburg Palace, Museum Quartier, Volksgarten, Rauthaus, the Theatre, some Law place, and the Jewish Area. The tour then concluded with the most horrible story about why the South tower of the church is shorter than the North tower. We won't tell you the tale, but one reason why this story is bad, is it is really the North tower that is shorter than the South. I guess you get what you pay for... nothing of value. Still, it was fun, and we have a fondness for our Tennessee-born DJ, with his use of y'all (which confused the non-native English speakers) and refering to the church as 'this gal'. Cheers to you, DJ. We hope you are not in an Austrian jail or being deported. We don't even know what you were doing in the city in the first place. We still hate Wombats.

After the tour, we did the National Treasury because we really wanted to see pretty and extravagant jewlery. Mission accomplished. We cheated the system by only buying one audio guide but then cranking up the volume so we could both hear it. Take that ridiculous fees for necessary guides! The crowns were amazing, and we learned quite a bit about the royal families and processes in Vienna, but our favour things were the bees on Napolean's wife's dresses and items, and the golden fleece order necklace that was depicted by this limp sheep. Sadly, neither of these symbols were featured in the gift shop.

Hungry again but wary from the previous night, we dared to try street meat (always a sure bet) and had a käsekrainer, which is an ingenious food idea: sausage injected with cheese. Then they stuff it in a whole baguette (oh we have pictures) and slather it with ketchup and mustard (dijon). Mmmmmm.... cheese-sausage. It was just the thing to hit the spot.

Next was the Catacomb Tour back at St. Stephan's Cathedral, which was pee-your-pants frightening. The tour guide was nicknamed (by us) 'The CryptKeeper', and he clearly spent all his time (alone) in the catacombs. He also had this scratchy high voice that sounded like his larynx had dehydrated several centuries ago. I got yelled at for taking a picture of this weird hand that all the portraits in Vienna seem to feature, but it was an honest mistake, since we had not been told that pictures were 'verboten' beforehand. But, I dared not cross The Crypt Keeper and put the camera away. It was so scary; we were underneat the city next to huge stone vaults filled with Plague bones. Not at all charming like Bone church!

We then had to decided between going to the Modern Art Gallery or trying to get tickets to the Opera. We decided to see if we could get cheap seats for the Opera, since we can see modern art in London (and probably many other cities, too). We could not get seats cheaper than €157, but we did manage to get standing tickets for only €2 a piece. There was this old man in line who tried to cut us off, so we made it our mission to get into the theatre before him. Take that, old man!

We ended up seeing 'Werther' by Mozart. For the first third of the show, the french was translated into German, but then we managed to switch the teleprompter so that it was in English. The opera involved children, Maralyn Monroe, a treehouse, a love triangle, and of course, suicide. Pretty much your standard fare for an opera (well, we are not too sure about the tree house thing). I was worried about my outfit because I was wearing shorts and we had heard there was a pretty strict dress code, but no one seemed to mind and maybe that is because the Viennese have no fashion sense. Must be a thing for people who speak German. There was a flagrantly gay man who wore jeans so tight (and tapered) that we called him 'Silence of the Lambs' Man. I think you can use your imagination as to why.

As for the name of this blog entry, the couple next to us were on some kind of date and made things quite awkward (!) for us by talking about going to see each other's apartments (wink, wink), meeting parents, sitting on laps, and then a strange gyration and thigh stroking all within my immediate line of vision. Creepy! All in all however, we had a great time at the opera, and not just because it kept us out of the hostel until late at night (We still hate you, Wombats!).

That night it rained dramatically, which seemed to freak out British dude #2, so he slammed the window shut, effectively making our room a sauna. We have never been so relieved to leave a place as we were Wombats. We filled out their comment card, with some pretty choice comments and some devil/angry faces for good measure. Take that, Wombats! When we checked out at 6:20 am the next morning, we pretty much dropped the keys on the desk and ran!

OK, scroll upward for our entry on Salzburg (spoiler: much better!).

posted by Steph @ 6:54 pm